CHAPTER 10

Power never takes a back step... only in the face of more power.

-Malcolm X

The next day Chris promised to take Lenny to the Oakland cemetery. He got up early, his favorite time of day, the sun was fresh, dew still hung to the top of blades of grass.

Chris sat on the back porch, enjoying his first morning cigarette, the birds chirped, an occasional dog bark, he waited for Lenny.

Chris watched her as she turned to walk down the alley, she wore a sun dress, bright and cheerful, and held some flowers in her hands. He waved hello and she smiled and wave back.

"Look at these, I picked them on the way over, I hope the owner won't miss them. They were so pretty, I couldn't resist."

"What kind are they?" Asked Chris.

"Daisies, I love Daisies, " said Lenny as she longingly looked at them.

"And the colors, are so much crisper and brighter in the early morning light, don't you think so?"

"I never really look at it that way...but...I think you're right."

"Ready?..." Chris got up and headed to the bus with Lenny," there's something special about morning light. When I discovered it ,I thought I discovered a secret. But you know? I think the French impressionists recognized that quality of light. They tried to capture it on canvas. Van Gogh came the closest. I think, 'saw one of his exhibitions at the Chicago Art institute. The prints in the books don't do his paintings justice,"

Chris opened the door for Lenny, and she got in, and he went around to the drivers side and entered," I don't know why but it's almost as if the morning sunlight gets dirty or dull as the day progresses," he revved up the engine and backed out of the driveway, and took off," in the mornings, the light's fresh and crisp, like crunchy fresh lettuce , and as the day progresses, it gradually wilts, softens and browns on the edges."

"You're so romantic," Lenny smiled and put her hand on Chris' leg. She liked Chris. She trusted him. He was the only man she felt safe with. The only one who respected her. She wasn't a tool of pleasure. He made her feel like a woman again, alive, loving. warm, happy and cheerful. She sensed that she began to bloom again, to get her act together. She tried so hard to fight the depression, the alienation, the despair that wrought her life the last few years, with Chris, the darkness, was not so bleak.

They approached the cemetery. Like all cemeteries, Oakland was a quiet place, solemn, and peaceful. They walked on the graveled narrow road to the grave site. This was the first time she had been back since the burial. She clutched Chris' arm tightly, her muscles tensed.

Finally they stood in front of the partially settled rounded heap of dirt with a thin healthy growth of grass pushing through the dirt. In a year the heap of dirt should be completely settled and level.

There was still no gravestone, only a marker with an inserted weathered card indicating the name , date and plot number. Lenny carefully laid the flowers down next to a small vase of tipped over dried flowers. Undoubtedly place by her mom a few months ago. Lenny at first wanted to dispose of the vase, but couldn't. She leaned over and gently stroked the side of the vase with the tips of he fingers, pausing for a moment, then getting up , took one last look, and then motioned to Chris without saying a word, that it as time to go.

Chris walked her to the bus, she held his arm closely, then at the door, she turned around, hugged and clutched him, a tear ran down the side of her face, and Chris. brushed it away with a gentle touch of his finger.

"You're going to be OK."

She nodded , sniffled her nose, got in the bus. and sat quietly, looking straight ahead, tightly twisting a moist handkerchief.

As Chris drove Lenny home, and dropped her off, he thought about many things. Life's is so precious, and transient. His thoughts overwhelmed him and drifted back to his childhood. He remembered his grandfather's funeral, so old and wrinkled, over 80, lying in the coffin. To a child , death was reserved for the old, not the infallible young. He remembered his mother always screeched when he told her some of the wild things he did as a kid. He was infallible, invincible. nothing could harm him, and even today he felt that way, death was something reserved for the old, and death for the young was just plain unfair, a vicious robbery.

His thoughts led to Diekrich, his friend. a friendship that lasted for years. and now a friendship strained, because of different feelings, beliefs, petty jealousies, and misunderstandings. Chris knew that Diek must be hurting too, they were still friends, he knew it, they just had to get together, to talk about the problems. They are still as brothers, they lived as brothers, he practically lived at his house as a kid, since his home was in turmoil. Diek's mother was soft, tender, loving and considerate, a source of comfort and peace for him. Diek's place did not have the violent cruel verbal fights that lasted late into the nights, continued the next morning, and throughout the day; nor the fake attempts to reconcile, that were so phony; no vying for affections with gifts and concern, receiving unearned presents, and parental surrender to unreasonable demands, all given with the inherent attitude that someday, a payoff will be expected when the custody battle began. The belittling, back biting, degradation of the other spouse , all designed to fuel the battle, using any and all available means to insure, the impending victory, the won battle, the conquering coup, the final victory, the silver statue, won at the expense of robbing, raping, twisting, torturing, confusing, destroying, and just plain fucking over the mind of the child, the pawn, the weapon, the prize, a prize once worthy, now destroyed , of questionable value, scarred forever.

Chris knew what he had to do. Immediately when he got home, he went to the phone, nervously he looked through the telephone book, looking for number to the Sigma Phi Epsilon fraternity. He dialed, his palms sweated, nervousness creaked in his voice as he talked over the phone when it was answered.

"Hello..I would like to talk to Diekrich Bauman...."

Chris waited for along time, Gospel music rang out in the other room where Millie his landlady lived.

"Hello, Diekrich Bauman speaking."

It seemed like a long time, but in reality it was only seconds, "Diek...This is Chris..." He waited and didn't hear anything on the other end of the phone,"Diek, DDDDiek," he stuttered, "Diek...I want to see you."

Finally he heard Diek on the other end, "Chris...Chris..," he sounded surprised, "Chris is that you?"

"Sure thing, "Chris smiled to himself. Diek didn't hang up. He

had before.

"Say Diek,...I'm calling, because...well because...I ...We're still friends , aren't we?" he paused, but didn't hear a response, "we outta get together...What d'you think?"

"Chris...I'm surprise you called...I thought that you... well I thought that..."

"Don't think anything unless you hear it directly from me...There's a lot going on, but I'm still Chris, understand?"

"yea, sure, I do... Chris, I think it a great idea to get together."

"Chris smiled to himself, and for the next few minutes, they talked about the usual things.

Then Diek. said, "say. why don't I come and pick you up?

"Well, why don't you let me pick you up. I got wheels, now," Chris grinned, to himself, "not the best, but it gets me around."

Chris bought a couple of six packs of beer, some extra cigarettes, drove to fraternity row, parked his car out front, where the brother's were washing their new bright colored, Mustangs, Corvettes, and convertibles. They all stopped and looked at Chris' old rusted blue bus, with the side bashed in, and the two inch home made front bumper made from plumping pipe.

Chris just smiled to himself, he didn't care about their cars, he liked his, he got thirty six miles to a gallon, he could afford it, besides now he was just a free they were, only his costs were much less, he could do anything they could do, travel around town, dart off to Murphyboro, or anywhere, Chris could even sleep in the back of his bus, can't do that in a Corvette, so he didn't care. Chris stood beside his bus, reached in and proudly honked the horn several times, calling more attention to his pride and joy.

Diek lumbered out of the house, he waved "hi" to the fellows, as he zipped his pants and

buttoned his shirt. Some girls from the Sorority across the street, yelled and whistled," take it off...take it off." Chris got in and as Diek stepped in, one of the guys, yelled to Diek," hey Diek. is your insurance paid up?"

Diek just laughed to himself, looked at Chris, "well, are you sure this is safe," he kidded," where we're going?"

Chris lit a cigarette, smiled, "I got a couple of six packs. 'thought we'd go to Crab Orchard. I know this special place on the backside of the lake, few people know of it, and it's peaceful."

"Sounds great, Let's go."

Chris drove to the backside of the lake. It was a small cul-de-sac, and from the parking place one had to walk about a hundred yards through the woods on a narrow path to the lake. They sat down on a large flat rock overlooking a fifteen foot cliff to the smooth, stilled mirrored water. The hot sun warmed them and the rock, flies and bees buzzed around, dragon flies dances on the water, and occasional frogs, darted across the water. Chris popped open the first can of beer, handed it to Diek, then opened one for himself, took a sip, and lit a cigarette "I found this place accidentally, 'driving around and took this road, got out, and here it was?"

"It is nice , isn't it? Diek said, he paused and then said," I'm glad you called. I wished I called. I know you tied to talk to me last year and I brushed you off. 'thought about calling myself, but I thought you would hang up on me."

"I thought the same thing...There's one thing I want to say. Regardless of how I feel about the war, and how you feel, we shouldn't let it interfere with our friendship. We go back too far. We just have to respect each others opinion. I won't bug you and well?..."

"...You're right. We let the war get in the way of our friendship. Besides, maybe your right. I don't know anymore, but I have to do what I think is right...besides I don't have much choice, I'm goin' in the army next Summer after graduation...What about you ? Gonna to lead the revolution?" Kidded Diek.

"No, Donno...Graduate school, in chemistry, I think."

"How's Phyllis' like graduated school?

"OK I guess. Still got the hots for her?"

"No, you know, she was right, I needed to discover life too, I was too dependent on her, she knew that. And she had the strength to break it off. You think if I tell her this, we could just be friends again, that's all, 'would like to see her from time to time."

"Sure, no problem, just don't lay a heavy trip with her, if she dates someone, and you can't handle it, than I would say no...Well?"

"Yea,I think I can handle it...She's still sees Jim? I don't like him. I can't help it. I just don't like him." "Well don't worry about that. You don't have to like our friends, I don't care that much for Glenn, 'think he's a racist, he seethes with hate. It scares me."

"Glenn's alright. It's just his father, he's a drunk, poor white trash, beats his wife, and kids. Glenn was beaten as a kid. And remember that party, his old man showed up drunk, well, that really fucked him over. Shit, you know that guy has problems. I'm not so sure I understand him myself."

"I know. When I first met him , I liked him, maybe, I still can. But I changed, 'no longer in the same political arena," Chris said as he opened two more cans of beer, handed one to Diek who took a long drink.

"Well, what ever happens, you, me and Phyllis should stick together...You know"

Chris nodded agreement.

They finished the remaining beer, and on the way home, Chris suggested that they stop by and see Phyllis. At first Diek was hesitant but finally relented at Chris' insistence," shit Diek, you gotta start something." he said.

Chris drove up the Chatauqua apartment where Phyllis moved after graduating. She lived by herself but toyed with asking Kathy to live with her, once she graduated. She lived in one of the newer built apartments, the bottom half red brick and the upper half, wood siding. It was quite attractive , and expensive but now that she had a teaching assistant's salary, she could afford it. Chris beeped his horn, and immediately Phyllis came to the door. She waved him to come in.

Phyllis met both Chris and Diek who was nervous at the door. He didn't know what to say, but Phyllis took care of his discomfort.

"Hi Diek. glad to see you," she held out her hand to shake with him, "how have you been." She turned to go in and then turned back to Chris, "oh! Chris, I almost forgot, I gotta show you something, come along Diek, you too."

They followed into the garage and she opened the door, proudly displaying to them a shiny new 50 horsepower Honda motorcycle.

"Look! isn't she beautiful, 'just got it to drive around town, to the supermarket, and so forth. ....I know it's crazy, but it seems that everybody has one."

Chris turned to Diek, and gently slapped him on the shoulder," it's a Honda epidemic, Even Phyllis got the virus. They're takin' over."

"It's because the University doesn't allow the first and second year students to have cars. In fact SIU is the Honda capital of the world. Honda says there're more Honda's per capita in Carbondale, than anywhere else in the world. It's in the Guinness Book of World Records...I think..." She then looked at Chris and then down at the bike, "but, how do you ride one of these things anyway?.. Will you teach me?" Phyllis smiled, and put her arm around Chris, "you used to have a Cushman Eagle , remember? , in the ninth grade?"

Diek laughed, "I remember that, Chris spent more time trying to repair it, and when he finished, it still didn't work, he had left over parts, so he had to take it to the repair shop."

"I know," Phyllis blushed, " he always had grease on his pants and face. That was his motorcycle period. The girls worried that he liked the bike more then them."

"Yea, sure, I can teach you.' Chris said," you need a helmet, it's the law."

"I got one! Come on, lets go in."

For student housing, it was quite regal inside It had a rug, a nice couch, the walls were freshly painted and color coded. The curtain fresh and fancy, the kitchen, was bright, clean, had a dishwasher, and even a garbage disposal, the bathroom was immaculate and the bedroom, small but neat, with a study desk with lamp and overhead a bookshelf, actually made out of wood, recessed into the wall, not the standard student book

shelf of bricks and boards. "

Quite a place," Chris commented, "wanta trade?"

"No thanks, I love it here,... have a seat? Wanta a coke? Or something... a beer?"

"A beer," both Chris and Diek said immediately in unison.

Phyllis returned and gave the beer to Chris and Diek, and she drank, "diet Tab" ,"this stuff tastes like shit. But it's diet, so, I drink it," she takes a drink," ugh!, I don't know now why I drink it anyway."

Both Chris and Diek looked at her slim, firm body and wondered why she felt the need to drink diet pop.

No one said anything. Then Chris volunteered to start the conversation, "Diek and I went out to Crab Orchard... decided its time to get together, had some beer, so we decided to come over."

Diek interrupted," Chris said it best, we have to stick together. We go back a long way. Although our lives go different directions, that's OK, but we can still maintain our ties."

"I know, "Phyllis said happy that Diek and Chris were together again, and she too, didn't feel threatened by Diek, who now appeared to be just a friend. She looked at Chris, "we do go back a long way... remember the time in time in Kindergarten, when Diek thought that he was too old for nap time and he told the teacher that his sleeping rug was home, being washed...and all the time it was in the cubby hole where they were all kept. Chris jabbed me and pointed to it, we all thought you were going to get it, but she did nothing.

"Do I remember? That was really stupid, I was the only kid in the class not to take a nap. I remember looking over at the cubby holes and mine was there all by itself, with my name on it. I knew then that she knew I was lying but she never said anything...I oftened wondered why?" Diek said.

Chris answered, "she knew, that was just your way of letting you act grown up. She felt that if you didn't need a nap than that was your decision. What pissed me off was that I wanted to do it also, but didn't"

They all laughed, drank beer, visited, , and then walked around the Chatauqua area. Finally night came and Chris drove Diek back to the fraternity house. He stopped the bus, lit a cigarette, and listened quietly to the sounds of night.

Finally Diek said," say Chris, there's something I gotta tell you...I know it might upset you, but I have to tell you what I know."

Chris felt the chill in his voice, he straightened up, Diek

continued to talk.

"A while back this FBI agent who turns out to be Kathy's father, came down from Chicago, investigating Communists activity here on campus. He and Price visited Schofield."

"Schofield?... What for?"

"Well, I don't know for sure. But that night they came to Glenn's apartment. I was there. They approached all of us, Glenn mostly to keep track of SNCC. They were concerned about SNCC, especially we heard all this Black Power talk Summer and the takeover of SNCC by Stokely Carmicheal...Well, they also asked some questions about SDS...But what worried me was that they showed some picture... of you ,Phyllis. Lenny and Jim, of that first march you went on, the year before last."

"Pictures? " Chris remembered what Jim had told him about his suspicions, "pictures...We didn't do anything wrong...Did we?"

"No, I'm sure of it, but it's just that they have'em...I can't explain why, but they have an obsession with Communists, but as soon as I saw the pictures, I knew that some day, I would have to tell you and Phyllis. Jim , well, I don't care about, ...that's why I was glad you called, I wanted to tell you earlier... but just couldn't. But be careful."

"Thanks Diek, I'm not worried. Nothin' illegal about marching for peace. You know, It means a lot, that you told me, that means you still trust me,...that means a lot."